Despite my normal disdain for such things, I’m setting myself a New year’s Resolution. I’m going to lose weight.
Why? Well, I know you aren’t supposed to go on a weight loss plan to fit into a garment. I’m also fairly certain those people never scored a limited edition Columbia Echo Base Princess Leia jacket that’s two sizes too small. I can’t just get another one in my size; they’ve been sold out since 7 minutes after they went on sale. But I can’t bear the thought of simply selling it on eBay, either.
I’ve also come to realize that the normal advice doesn’t work for me, so I’m thinking about using some bad advice to help me achieve my goal.
Yes, bad advice.
I shall adopt a diet that defies the normal conventional wisdom of dieting. One that requires me to eat, rather than reduce my eating. That limits my exercise. That doesn’t require weighing myself or any of that horrible calorie counting that tends to encourage me to binge-eat. Skeptical? Oh, but you should have more faith. “Normal” diets don’t work very well anyway, so why should I follow that advice? I think I have a better plan, and it’s all scientifically sound, too. So there, conventional dieters!
Here’s my plan to lose weight by avoiding dieting:
Week 1 – Drink at least 32 oz. of water per day. NOT 64 oz, per that terribly misunderstood study everyone quotes. That study found we need 64 oz of fluid a day, but get approximately half of that from food, so really you only need 32 oz of straight-up water. I have a lovely Star Wars water bottle. Fill it twice a day and I achieve the goal! If i want to unlock the bonus round, I’ll add a fiber supplement to my water. Oh, ambitious!
Week 2 – Layer in the veggies. Every meal has a fruit or veggie included, and I don’t count those other botanicals masquerading as veggies, either. Potatoes (aka tubers), corn (aka grains) or mushrooms (aka fungi) don’t count as part of the recommended daily allowance. I can still eat them, of course. But I have to eat the veggies, too. Or first. Probably first to make sure. Absolutely NO tracking calories – this is a boolean operation. Is there at least a serving of fruit or veggie? Yes or No are the only answers allowed.
Week 3 – I’m going to give up my gym membership and limit myself to 15 minutes of strength training per day. Forget the treadmill. If I want to walk, I have a dog more than willing to make that happen. Insistent upon it, actually, whether I want to do it or not. No fancy-schmancy workouts or special classes. Alexa has a 7 minute workout I can get literally for the asking – do that once in the morning, once in the evening with a couple of 10lb weights and the achievement is unlocked!
Week 4 – Half the portions. I can still eat whatever I want, but when I sit down to eat I only have half as much as I think I want on my plate. I have to wait 10 minutes from the time I finish before going back for more. Note, I don’t say I can’t go back for more, only that I have to wait for 10 minutes. Paired with my water intake and the veggie requirement, this shouldn’t be all that difficult to accomplish. I think I need Star Wars Tupperware to squirrel away the extras for more motivation. more Star Wars is always motivating.
Week 5 – Take a picture. No, really. I’m going to put on the jacket and take a picture. I might weigh myself, but really, who needs that? The important thing is: does the jacket fit better than it did 4 weeks ago? I can also take the week to figure out how ELSE I’m going to not diet for the next 4 weeks. That’s the Agile way.
So here I go, taking the bad advice. Oh, and I plan on drinking more alcohol. I hear tell a glass of wine every day or two is good for me. Not sure that’s going to help me lose weight, but it sure sounds like fun.
Before Picture:
Ericka Kahler 